I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
