there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
