I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
