come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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