in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
