Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
