I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
