So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
