Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
