Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i out mim tonsoeep
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