we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
