If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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