my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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