I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
