New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Michael Bay diarrhea
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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