Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
