You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
