We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
