Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I booty called her while she was in labor.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
