We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
