Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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