at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
