I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
