he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
