But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
