Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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