dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
