You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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