Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize