I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
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he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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