yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
