shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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