its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
