Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
