Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
