Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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