I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
