I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
