Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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