Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize