swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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