he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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