I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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