Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
