So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
