He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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