I need help removing her.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
