you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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