Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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