she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
