O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
And then he peed in my hair
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
