dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
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She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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