Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
MIDGETS
????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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