if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
