There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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