She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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