We won't sleep together?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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