call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
