alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
