I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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