i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
