i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
