I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
