Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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