I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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