she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You need a sexual gate keeper
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
