Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My dick has a subreddit
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
