"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
