Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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