PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Mom said you looked used
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
